The Tyranny of the Gift

In "Desperately Seeking a Kidney," Sally Satel writes of her experience trying to find an organ donor.

"The 'tyranny of the gift' is an artful term coined by the medical sociologists Renée C. Fox and Judith P. Swazey to capture the way immense gratitude at receiving a kidney can morph into a sense of constricting obligation. In their 1992 book, 'Spare Parts: Organ Replacement in American Society,' the authors write, 'The giver, the receiver and their families may find themselves locked in a creditor-debtor vise that binds them one to another in a mutually fettering way.'"

Continuing onto describe her inner struggle with the idea of receiving an organ donation, she writes:
"I ruminated constantly about what it would mean to be related to someone “by organ.” Would my future donor assume a proprietary interest in how I lived my life, since she had made it possible? Would she make sure I was taking proper care of “our” kidney or lord her sacrifice over me? Or would I hold it over my own head, constantly questioning whether I might have said or done anything that could offend or disappoint my donor, anything that might be taken as ingratitude? How could a relationship breathe under such stifling conditions? It was exhausting to think about; I wanted no part of a debtor-creditor relationship. I didn’t want a gift, I wanted a kidney."

As Christians around the world anticipate the celebration of the birth of Christ, God's gift to us, this description of a response of the recipient of a gift carries particular relevance. Satel's suggestion that just because someone donates an organ, the donor doesn't own or control her stands in stark contrast to God's gift of salvation.

The phrase "salvation is God's free gift to you" is often bandied about without much thought. While the phrase is true, in the sense that we could never afford (pay the price for) salvation, the cost of salvation is actually quite demanding. Satel's idea of the gift-giver gaining a "proprietary interest" in the life of the gift-receiver seems like a decent description of what is happening through salvation. Jesus said, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." Our relationship with God as gift-giver becomes far more invasive than debtor-creditor; it's slave-Lord. Yet, Satel's question remains:

How could a relationship breathe under such stifling conditions?
I can empathize with Satel's feeling of obligation to a gift-giver, but anecdotally, I find my relationship with God liberating rather than stifling. Why? My initial thought is that God's character makes the difference. Giving a "proprietary interest" to God is liberating only because we can trust his character. Giving a "proprietary interest" to ordinary Joe Schmo who happens to be walking around with an extra kidney would be understandably anxiety-inducing because who knows what he values. Do you readers have any thoughts on this?